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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive glossary to the words gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Avian theory – A social media test connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies going for someone who helps you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly inoffensive quirks. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {